I hear the breath catch in your throat, of course, it is you think! ⠀
But is it? I ask you.⠀
You’ve read it in all the online info you accessed for your own #breastfeeding journey. ⠀
You’ve read it in all the textbooks you used to study to help lactating parents. ⠀
Yet this diagnostic indictor (redness) doesn’t work for everyone. ⠀
For a large group of people, it’s unhelpful and even damaging to their health. ⠀
The reason why is ‘text book’ version of mastitis centres the experience of lighter skin tones. ⠀
When those supporting parents with feeding difficulties, focus on signs of redness to assess for mastitis, parents with darker skin tones are at a disadvantage. ⠀
More universal indicators of mastitis are heat, soreness, localised swelling that is often hard, & generally feeling unwell.⠀
Now you know, what other things might you need to double-check are universal?
You are the holder of the puzzle pieces.
I got all emotional last time I taught an introduction to #slings #workshop with @villagemidwife.
Talking about these puzzle pieces, made me well up with emotion, remembering one of the times I #knew I meant for this work.
As I passed around a box of puzzle prices, explained how you as the parent are gathering them all. This was my gift to them to remind them.
At the same time, in my head, I remembered meeting a parent for the second time, who told me I had changed the course of her breastfeeding journey. She said, I am here 6 months on, though all our trauma, because of this idea you gave us. I had forgotten I’d even said it, but the awe of the rippless of parent to parent support caught me in that moment.
Now I share it with you too.
Many supporters and loved ones will offer you support and advice. They offer you pieces of their puzzles, only YOU will know which pieces of puzzle you are offered, actually fit.
Some won’t. That’s ok. But please keep searching until your instincts are quiet again. They are powerful and will lead you. Keep asking new people until all feels well.
In case you need reminding, YOU GOT THIS
Update March 2020 – many of these organisations will have an online offering, do still get in touch whilst physical groups are closed
NHS please ask your midwife/health visitor for the most up to date clinics. The flyers on this link are nessiasrily the most up to date. I will upload more as I get them 🙂
Run by Breastfeeding Counselors (free)
Weekly drop in alongside HV weigh in clinic(BFN, Maidenhead)
Run by IBCLC’s (free)
Tongue tie assessment appointments
Luci Lishman (Chiltern Partnership, Princes Risborough)
Thursday, Weekly drop in
Julie Carden (Carmenta Life, Berkhamsted)
Weekly drop in
Sarah March (Lotus Midwife, Eaton)
Monthly drop in
Tessa Clark (Beyond Babyhood, High Wycombe)
Parenting support groups (free)
Run by bump & baby businesses
The Positive Birth Group
Volunteers (PBM, High Wycombe Birth Centre)
The No Sleep Club
run by a midwife (Prestwood near Great Missingdon – The Village Midwife)
also a WhatsApp group
run by hypnobirthing teacher & Pilates teacher (Amersham – Local partnership)
Sling & Cloth Nappy Libraries
Trained babywearing consultants – (Across bucks )
NCT Bumps & babies
Run by an Antenatal teacher – Hazlemere
👇Being edited 👇
I’m adding new bits here that might not look so pretty 🙂
Want to keep in touch?
Another common query from parents at this time of year in the UK. It’s Christmas party season with employers and families alike.
So what’s the norm for breastfeeding families in these scenarios?
From the moment your baby was born, they began to rely on you for nourishment, comfort, safety and as researcher Neils Burgman would say, anywhere other than with you, is other to them.
We know babies grow most optimally with human milk, kept close to their parents and when permitted to feed without restriction day and night. (More on feeding intervals)
This way of parenting, isn’t the one projected in popular media & on the screens. So is no wonder that when an event calls for alcoholic drinks and late nights, parents can feel conflicted about what to do.
Things to remember
A symbotic unit
You and your baby are a symbiotic unit, you respond to each other and so in separating for more than an hour or two, you’ll need to make adjustments.
Most parents will have to pump several times to make up enough milk for one feed whilst they are away. (It’s ok to combine milk of the same temperature). More on milk storage.
Pumping whilst away
Your breasts will continue to make milk whilst you are away, you will need to express or hand express to relive discomfort. Avoiding this is likely to greatly increase your chances of mastitis. This feels like the flu & is not what you’d wish for with a hangover!
More than food
It’s a factor most of us are not used to considering, but your baby has know your voice, heart beat, smells and those in your daily environment long before they where born. You are their safe space and it’s worth considering if they are connected in the same way with the person you intend to leave them with.
Breastfeeding, as you’ll have guessed by now, is so much more than just nourishment. For both of you.
What can you do to reduce the changes? Can you help the other adult use a sling/carrier your baby is used too? Can they look after the baby at your home?
Even if your baby takes milk perfectly, sleeps and doesn’t utter a cry (unlikely!), you are likely to run though a range of emotions whilst you two are apart. This is part hormonal due to breastfeeding but also a sign of the wonderful bond you have together.
Maybe you made a different choice in the past, it’s OK to make a different one with different information or feelings.
What do other parents say?
trust your gut, say no if you want to!parent – Instagram
Bring baby with partner or parents and you can nip off for feeds.parent – Instagram
The days with baby are short. Stay with baby, there will be many more parties!parent – Instagram
Baby won’t take a bottle? Try an open cup or sippy cup with an older baby.
Go for just the party and travel home.
or ask the care giver to stay near by for regular breastfeeding breaks.
Take the baby along with you! If you are bold, pop the baby in a sling on your front and enjoy the cooing coworkers. Igorne the nay sayers who seem annoyed.
Lastly, you could just skip the event altogether. There will be plenty more in your lifetime, but the baby days are fleeting.
& interplay with religion.
I found this set of videos so interesting, most of this is relevant to many modern parents entering parenthood.
What was new to me, as a non-religious person, was to hear more about the interplay with depression & religious beliefs/culture (This is the best terminology I have for this, please tell me if there is a better phrase).
It makes me think of the complexity of others lives, when sat with my helping hats on, and the invisible lines of thoughts, we don’t know about..
I hope it is interesting to some of you too.
Real mums talking about real postnatal depression, it affects so many of us.
Ps. If you can get to Slough, UK @cafemamaslough
is incredible support with Amelie & Muslim mamas 💞
Resting and recuperating after the intensity of October + IBCLC exam study.
Focus – Behind the scenes, building business
- Started weekly admin time bucks new uni Library. (love this!)
- Attended we are women festival – (relaxing & affirming)
- Had and Ideas Untangling with Nina Purple Crocus communications (so clarifying!)
- Supervision given and received with other breastfeeding supporters.
- Networking with Bucks Bumps & Baby professionals
- Attended Non Violent Communication training
Often a busy time, without the added tasks of child rearing. Evening and weekend appointments available.
Focus – Gifting confidence.
- TONIGHT 2nd Dec @ 8pm (Zoom) Nurturing your baby (free)
- Will repeat monthly
- Feeding sessions photo shoot this week with Zoe C Photography (fully booked)
- Mid – late Dec, IBCLC exam results due!
- Intro to slings – with the @villagemidwife @villagemidwifeuk
- 22nd Dec 1-2 “Surviving the festive feeding frenzy” (@high wycombe Library) Part of the feeding and carrying drop in
- 2-3 Antenatal Breastfeeding Workshop
“Build your confidence before baby arrives”
Here in the UK, there is a pervasive thought that breastfeeding will happen naturally and if it doesn’t, the help being offered must be the best.
Parents often then conclude that if that hasn’t worked, nothing will.
Here is where many parents trip up with their new kids, and the health care system fails them.
The sooner you seek help, the less work it’ll be to get back on track, to meeting your feeding goals.
Have you ever forgotten a major ingredient in some food you making? Depending on what is is, and how you act, can make or break it.
For many, the same is true of meeting their feeding goals.
I’d love it if every new parent was cared for by passionate and skilled feeding professionals but the reality is often quite different.
The levels of training and enthusiasm between health care professionals vary greatly, and even those parents wise enough to link up with skilled support before the baby arrives, often forget to utilize it until things have got really quite messy.
So if we go back to that food you where preparing, if you forget something like the salt, you can add it at the end, no worries! But if you miss out a binding ingredient like egg, You can just add it in at the end and still expect to get the original desired food.
Now how you act with breastfeeding problems, and cooking ones, are the same. If you find someone who knows about it, they often not only know how to fix it, they will usually have a few options for you.
Wait until the end, muddle through on your own of ask a less skilled person, and you might get told to start again.
100’s of breastfeeding solutions
There is a saying within the breastfeeding support world, that there are 101 breastfeeding solutions to any feeding problem. Is this the impression you have? or did you think the next step with a feeding issue, is to give breast milk substitutes?
You can see some of my favorites resources here..
Find out who the local skilled supporters in your area?
Try, ‘breastfeeding support’ & ‘your town’
Find out who the infant feeding lead is, within the local hospital & health visiting teams, do they have breastfeeding specialists?
Ask other parents if there are peer supporters & breastfeeding counselors within your town?
Is there an IBCLC near you?
How many times have you seen the ‘just in case’ lists for parents to be, that are a mile long and include a bunch of ‘feeding aids’ to ‘increase your chance of breastfeeding’?
Did you know that the first solution to most breastfeeding issues, is NOT giving a bottle?
A skilled breastfeeding supporter will offer you a myriad of breastfeeding solutions before offering a top up, and even then, extra milk/formula when indicated can be given without a bottle. The simplest, to the most complex, a spoon, cup, syringe, finger feeding, SNS.
What if all new parents knew, that finding free skilled support, or investing in paid support, before their baby arrives, is MORE likely to have them meeting their goals, than many of those expensive items on the ‘just in case’ list.
Some health care professionals aren’t allowed to tell you about the support outside of the NHS, you might have to do your own research. It’ll be worth it. I promise!
If you are #pregant and want to set yourself up to save money & maxise your chances at meeting your feeding goals, find your support now.
If you have a loved one who’s pregnant, why not link them up now? Give them a gift voucher for xmas?
#yougothis #feeding #slings #savemoney #support #breastfeeding #alternatives #goals #informed #skilled #free #paid #invest #educate #empower
How often have you thought, this problem is unique to just me, my family or my kid?
You might find out that issue or situation actually it’s quite common but many parents get stuck without knowing how to gain realistic expectations and norms.
As I type up another follow up email about just this, I wonder what fuels this feeling in the people?
Is it the disconnect with nature, instincts and western ideals? Disconnect with normal infant behaviour.
Is it that we no longer live in large communities where not only is breastfeeding is the norm, but parenting is seen and experienced by muti generations, in all its realistic glory.
So many parents fall into the traps of other people’s, rather idealsic experiences and it’s do unhelpful to parents.
What if we re constructed the parenting villages? What if we knew from first hand experience, before we have our own small people, the realities of parenting.
Maybe then we might live happier lives, with happier healthier kids..
So your partner is about to have your child and you’ve heard a lot, (how could you not?) about how breastfeeding is the best.
Thing is you’ve also heard it has disadvantages, heard not everyone can do it and your worried. You want your kid to get all the good stuff, you want your partner to get it too. It’s a tricky mind space to be in.
Human milk champion
So what can you do? What if you make yourself a pretty awesome repository of information about human milk and breastfeeding? Have you heard it takes a village to raise a child? Some of that is information, and you are well placed to be the one to consume it and replay it when needed.
New parents are filled with doubts, there isn’t a handy guide that comes out with the baby after all. But breastfeeding, there are lots of principles that when learned, can cut away lots of worry.
The vast majority of women, when well supported and informed, can fully feed their babies needs. There are some things that might delay the full milk coming in, why not start reading about them here.
What if you learn the mechanics of milk production? Remind your partner when they are confused about their breasts feeling hard and full, that they need to empty them to make more milk because the fuller they are, the more messages are sent back to the brain to make less milk.
When the baby wants to feed hour after hour, remind them they are literally growing a human from their body & how much you appreciate them riding the growth spurts. Then bring them cake.
When your baby or partner is struggling, don’t be afraid to get them skilled support. There is lots of help out there, if you know where to look. You can also search ‘breastfeeding support’ and ‘your town’ to find services near you. There are different roles, some are free, some are not, read more the types here. .
Many parents feel that without a bottle to feed, there won’t be a special time with your baby?
Understanding that neurology, your baby needs your partner more than you (mostly) to grow that big brain as big as it can be but that doesnt mean you have to be left out.
This research shows early skin to skin with your baby can help YOU to bond, some research suggests it changes your brain and lowers YOUR chance of having postnatal mood disorders.
Although I have been careful to assume how you identify, the world lags behind, replace father for whatever phrase you identify with, the effects are likely to be true for us all.
Some patents make bath time their thing, or baby massage. Some partners do an early morning walk whilst their partner rests. Some pop on a sling and teach their baby about their hobby.
If you want one to equal the warmth and comfort of milk and mum, get your hands on a sling or carrier (carrying matters sling guide) and master it now, before the baby comes.
When carried, babies cry 43% less (stats) and adding movement & the familiar sounds of your voice usually = a quiet content baby. Find out more about slings here – from a GP and carrying expert.
So if you come home to a frantic partner and frazzled baby, you know what to do!
You are a team
Stand up for your partners goals if you have a family member or friend undermining you. Maybe you will even have the fact to disabuse uncle bob, that your baby is not using your partner as a dummy.
This time in your child’s life is fleeting and the extra care of your partner now, will pay off for decades to come. If you have a girl, your grandchildren will one day benefit from your partner breastfeeding as her eggs are already within your unborn child.
Mostly, remember you are a team and when times get tough, remember you both want the best for you all.
We do the best you can, with the info and resources you have available to us at the time. We all have our limits, if you need extra support, seek it.
Your baby, and your partner don’t need you to be perfect, just good enough.